Before the salt and sandals were the pimples and pepperoni
slices at the Pizza Inn. Eddie's best friend Kevin was there
for it all. Kevin knows the early Eddie better than most but
that's not what drove him to drink... really. That honor goes
to a slender blond at Mary Washington College. But enough
about Kevin. Let's talk about Eddie.
Q: How are you enjoying playing with Shaq this season?
A: That's a different Eddie Jones.
Q: Oh. Don't you like basketball?
A: Love it; that's just a different Jones. He lives
Q: What's the name of your boat?
A: "Shoal Survivor"
Q: Didn't you offer to sell the naming rights to your
Q: How did that go?
A: Let's go back to Shaq.
Q: How long have you been sailing?
A: Since the early 1980's.
Q: How long have you been married?
A: Since the early 1980's.
Q: How often have you run aground?
A: Since the early 1980's.
Q: Is there a pattern there?
A: No, nope, nada.
Q: So you're happily married then?
A: And I intend to stay that way. Let's move on.
Q: What was your first boat?
A: A Snark.
Q: A what?
A: A Snark.
Q: Yeah. Is Dan Moreno going to take over as President
of the Dolphins when you retire?
A: Different Jones, again.
Q: You're not the football Eddie Jones either?
A: Nope. He lives in Miami.
Q: I thought you said the basketball Eddie Jones lived
A: He does. They both do.
Q: And you're not either one?
Q: Ever live in Miami?
A: No. Although I did spend a couple of spring breaks
in Ft. Lauderdale.
Q: Did you have a good time?
A: So they tell me.
Q: Do you give motivational speeches?
A: I'm available for speaking, yes.
Q: But are they motivational?
A: I'm motivated to make money so I don't starve to
Q: Didn't you write a book?
A: Yes, "Hard Aground".
Q: And didn"t that book sell out its first printing?
A: Why, yes. Yes it did.
Q: Are you working on a sequel?
A: Why, yes. Yes I am.
Q: What is a "snark", anyway?
A: I could explain it, but you'd have to get a graduate
degree in quantum physics first.
Q: So you don't know, either.
A: Not really, no.
Q: Wasn't that a double negative?
A: Do you really want me pointing out all the grammatical
Q: Not really, no.
A: Let's move on.
Q: Okay. Do you know where I can buy flowers while
I'm having my oil changed?
A: Sure, at Carla's Flowers right next to Pamlico Quick
Lube in Bayboro.
Q: Can I get my car washed there, too?
A: Yep! Right next door.
Q: What about a great cup of coffee?
A: The Bean in Oriental.
Q: World class Crab and Corn Chowder soup?
A: M and M's. Oriental again.
Q: Does that cover the shameless plugs?
A: Yep, pretty much.
Q: What were you doing on Saturday, October 1st, 1977?
A: I was at Cameron Indoor Stadium.
Q: For a Duke Game?
A: Not hardly. Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefers
were playing there that night.
Q: In 1977? Wow, that was-
A: -over 25 years ago, yes. Next question.
Q: Did anything significant come out of your attending
A: I wrote a review of the concert.
Q: Was it published?
A: Yes, in the NC State student newspaper, "The
Q: How was the concert?
A: Fantastic. Jimmy had hair, the 'Reefers played with
exuberance, and you could still hear him play "God's
Q: So you went to State?
A: Yep. Class of '79.
Q: In 1979! Wow, that was-
A: -25 years ago, yes. Next question.
Q: What other music did you listen to?
A: Back then? Mostly the "B's".
A: Yeah; the Beatles, Buffett, Beach Boys, Beach Music,
Bee Gees, Boz.
Q: Which Bee Gee's? Disco or pre-disco?
A: Both. The Bee Gee's live album, "Here at Last",
that came out before the "Saturday Night Fever"
soundtrack, had some great music on it.
Q: Boz Scaggs...same question.
A: Tough call. Boz"s "Loan Me a Dime"
off his first album is classic blues, and "My Time"
is very good, but "Silk Degrees" was on another
level all together.
Q: You've got the original "Loan Me a Dime"?
You must have had an awesome vinyl collection.
A: Still have it.
Q: Come on now, fess up. I'll bet "Thriller"
is in there.
A: Yep. So are Leo Sayer, Pablo Cruise, and the soundtrack
to "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band...The Movie."
Q: Yikes. Although I did kind of like Pablo Cruise.
A: So did I.
Q: Do you have any Randy Newman?
A: Yes, why?
Q: I was just wondering if you had Newman's song,
"Short People". I really liked that song.
Q: You don't like it?
A: I've heard better.
Q: How tall are you anyway?
A: I'm the same height that Monte Towe was when he
led N.C. State to the 1974 National Championship. I'm taller
than Mugsy Bogues. I'm taller than Bennie. I'm taller-
Q: Okay, Okay. Geez. No wonder you got thrown out
of Carmichael Auditorium.
A: I didn't want to be there anyway.
Q: Say, what would you have called the Father of our
Country at Christmas?
A: A merry Washington?
Q: Yep. I'll bet that doesn't make the final edit.
A: Probably not.
Q: Okay, try this. What's Nabisco's new happy fruit
A: A Gay Newton?
Q: No hope for that one either, huh?
A: Not a chance. I thought you quit drinking.
A: Got any more real questions?
Q: Okay, what was your first car?
A: A Volkswagen Squareback.
Q: Oh. And your second car?
A: A '68 Plymouth Fury II
Q: With a CB and an 8 Track?
Q: What was that on top of the car?
A: Surfboard Racks
Q: Awesome, Dude. So you were a surfer?
A: Still am.
A: Oh good grief.
Q: How's the family?
A: Fine! My wife Bennie is still keeping me straight,
my youngest son Mason is in High School, and his older brother,
Win, is a freshman at Elon University.
Q: A freshman at Elon? Say, you know that's quite
a coincidence, because two freshmen on Elon's basketball team,
Simon Harris and Josh Haymond, went to Millbrook High School
in Raleigh. Didn't you go to Millbrook?
A: Yep, Millbrook High School, class of '75.
Q: In 1975? Wow, that was-
A: Knock it off. And that was a heck of a reach for
Q: I'll bet you studied music under Mrs. Marley at
A: Yep, four years.
Q: Can you sing?
A: Depends on whom you ask.
Q: Do you know the old sailors ditty "Show me
the way to go home"? From the movie Jaws?
A: Yeah, I know it. And right after the song the shark
ate Quinn and half the boat. Which is as good a reason as
any to let the song rest in peace.
Q: Dang. I liked that song.
A: And you wondered why you couldn't get dates.
Q: What came after the Plymouth?
A: A Mercury Capri. And do you think anybody really
cares what kind of car I drove in college?
Q: Your adoring fans have a funny way of deciding
for themselves what is and isn't important.
A: You stole that line from the movie "The American
Q: Yeah, well, originality was never my strong suit.
A: And for the record, I was tall enough to beat you
at basketball 95% of the time.
Q: Yeah, but you fouled a lot.
A: At least I wasn't tripping over my arms.
Q: Okay, smart guy, what came after the Capri?
A: Sigh...a Chrysler LeBaron.
Q: Is it true you once picked up a girl at the beach
by offering to buy her sandcastle "if it came with a
A: Yeah, that was me.
Q: Wow. I'm impressed.
A: And I was about the same age my sons are now, if
you get my drift.
A: Anything else?
Q: In your opinion, what was the best Buffett show
out of all the concerts you attended?
A: The one at the Pier that I couldn't attend. The
next year he came out with Latitudes.
Q: Second best?
A: Well, the '77 concert was awesome, but in 1982 he
did an outdoor concert at Carowinds to wrap up that season's
tour. The show was delayed for over an hour while thunderstorms
soaked everyone in the crowd. As a reward for an audience
that had waited patiently and was soaked to the skin, Jimmy
put on a heck of a show playing several extended sets. It
Q: That girl sitting in front of you, in the white
cotton sundress soaked to the point of invisibility, didn't
have anything to do with that particular concert standing
out in your memory?
A: Is Bennie reading this?
Q: Probably, yeah.
A: Then no, the girl in the white cotton sundress didn't
have a thing to do with it. It was all about the music. All
Q: Any last words?
A: "You've been a great audience! Have a good
night, and don't hit me on the way home."
Q: I think I've heard that somewhere before.
A: Well, you didn't say anything about them having
to be my words. And anyway, it was you who about broke your
neck looking at the girl in the wet dress. I was just listening
to the music.
Q: Uh huh.
~ Kevin "Kervin" Spencer